**The following is the transcript for the above video. Although it can be read, it’s best when certain things can be seen or heard :)**
When I did college… when I “did” college.
How you all doing out there?
Welcome back to my channel.
My name, for those of you who do not know, is Andrew.
I’m gonna drop the “J. Stillman” for a little bit because this month, I’m trying to be a little bit more, I don’t know, personal.
So far on my channel, I’ve tried to just give advice, or I’ve done little tutorials, or given tips or whatever what have you.
I don’t know, but I’m trying to reconnect with parts of myself, and I’m trying to be a little bit more vulnerable, and I’m trying to find parts of myself that didn’t care so much about what other people thought.
And I’m also meeting a lot of people now on YouTube.
This is now i’m going into my third month, and there’s a community out there, and people are already learning my name, and I’m already learning people’s channels, and it’s been a really fun and exciting experience so far.
And some people have told me that they’ve just been inspired by my, I don’t know, willingness to be so open about the writing journey.
So today, and throughout November, for the content on my channel, I wanted to have some more personal stuff.
I’ve said it before — I know I’m a lot more, I’m usually so, like, “Hi, everyone!”
I’m like, “blah blah blah,” cause everything I’ve done really so far is all written out, and I have my computer where I read it and I know what I’m saying, and now I have no idea, really, what’s happening today.
This is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life right here.
I, a few days ago, stumbled on my first blog that I made, kind of first, but um, it was back in 2012, and it was what made me find National Novel Writing Month in the first place.
And so on my journey this month of reconnecting to myself, I wanted to start with this blog, because the ages of, like, 16-25 are the “Andrew ages” that I am trying to reconnect with.
Because those were the years that I was writing and writing and writing and writing and writing like nobody’s business, and just doing it more for myself than anything else, and I want to see what it’s like, I don’t know, now that it’s been eight years.
And people always talk about reflecting on your journey and the importance of starting somewhere, so I just wanted to reflect a little bit throughout the month on things that I’ve tried before.
I’ve had blogs, I’ve had vlogs, I’ve had all sorts of stuff in the past, so I’m just gonna kind of relive it throughout the month.
So, I don’t know, that’s about it, so without further ado, uh, let’s just get Write On In.
All right, well, I’m about to get started over here.
I’m gonna be coming to — the blog is called theartistmindset.wordpress.com — and also, I mean, I’m going to be leaving it up on the screen.
I’m not really going to be, like, “reading” it.
I-I don’t really know what’s about to happen, so we’re going to see.
This is going to be the first of these type of videos, but I’m kind of excited about it.
And yes, these are my books, they usually change throughout every episode, but for this month, I’m just leaving them right here because I’m trying to reconnect with myself and just own the fact that, like, I wrote these.
And these are at least part of my bookshelf, even though they’re not really a part of anybody else’s.
Well, this one is, but whatever.
So, we’re here right now on, like I said, theartistmindset.wordpress.com.
This is the oldest in the thing.
Off the bat, I think it’s kind of funny that “What is an Artist?” is the first one when my first video here on YouTube was “What is a Creative.”
So, off the bat, it’s just… but I don’t even know what this says, but I’m going to read around.
I’m just going to talk about things that I find along the way.
I’m leaving it up all on the screen.
I, myself, I’m going to be just a little small blip on your screen, I think.
But I just want to talk about — “models walk around constantly trying to look sexy,” okay, wow, what am I talking about?
“Writers and actors become the characters they write and portray in order to convey the realness behind them.“
I feel that.
“They’re not normal people. They’re weird, they live in their own world.”
Okay, I feel that. I was in some emo stuff — ooh the Adventures of Jensen Carpenter!
What is it — Lynda? Lynda! I remember Lynda!
Online courses, oh my gosh, wow! Lynda.
Okay, oh my gosh.
Here, okay, so, I technically have done this, like, “post a story as I write it” kind of thing before. I have this — this is one of my stories, this is my zombie apocalypse story.
I’ll come back to that one day.
I actually hand-wrote this entire story first before I started posting it on here.
August 2012, wow.
I started this August 8th, so that was right before I started this September 27th, and this was what introduced me to NaNo.
I think that’s — Zombie Photos??
What? Oh, my gosh look at this picture of me you guys!
Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh I remember taking these pictures!
“This is probably my favorite picture of all time of myself,” I remember feeling — wait, go back!
I don’t know how to get… that’s so funny, that was what I was doing when I was doing this, was taking zombie pictures, because then…
I went out because I lived on Fort Ord, and I went out and I was taking pictures of all of the abandoned buildings over at CSUMB.
Oh, my gosh, “the darkness comes,” that was so fun!
“Don’t become one of us,” this was, like, real stuff that we were finding.
“Help us,” that’s so funny!
Oh, my gosh, okay, so what’s next on this?
“The Portrait of a Writer.”
“I have never met a clea — a clean writer,” oh, my gosh.
“I’m not saying they don’t exist, but I’ve never been to a writer friend’s home or their room where their workspace isn’t a complete and total utter mess. And I love it.”
I feel that about myself.
I feel sometimes also, though, that I am not — wow, this is kind of, “writers are awesome,” yes, “unique brand of people, insomnia, we eavesdrop, guilty as charged, we study people, we drink coffee generic ster” wow, so this is, like, stereotypes that I felt when I was, like, 22.
All right, what’s next?
Beach photography, is this more zombies?
Oh no, that’s just Monterey where I live.
Oh, this is a ghost story that I wrote!
Leo was a ghost that was in my dorm room at CSUMB where I was taking those zombie photos. That’s a story, that’s a real story that happened.
Life before Facebook! “Whoa, what a concept, right?”
Yeah, we thought that — I thought that in 2012.
“Does anyone remember what that’s like?”
I don’t… I think this is before I even cared about, like, Twitter or anything.
“Andrew just sneezed and shot boogers out of his nose.”
“News travels fast.”
I had a booger in my nose my first episode on the… wow, the connections here are crazy!
“The Senses: Hear Me Out.”
Okay, I just had a sensory video not that long ago.
Oh, I, wow, okay, I color-coded… I just talked about color coding… the… I just put that journal away!
One of my writing prompts that I just did, I was talking about color coding things, too.
Like, wow, okay, so, sight is in blue, sound is in red, and then a mixture of both to rewrite the scene.
That’s kind of cool.
This is from this book, “Immortality Awaits” Andrew J. Stillman.
Piece of [ __ ] book.
It’s fine, I shouldn’t hate it that much.
I actually want to kind of reread it.
That might be part of what happens sometime soon.
Oh, what if that was on my, like, December TBR?
That would be crazy.
Ooh, that would be crazy.
Anyway, what’s next?
This is the story I’m still trying to write, you guys!!
No, I’m not lying, this story, the idea of this story… the idea of this story is what the entire underlying theme base of the current book that I’m writing was trying to bring back.
What in the whoa!
Like, this whole idea of, like, them being trapped and then fighting their way out of, like, the hell that they’re at, and…
Oh that’s so crazy.
Whoa, this is weird… this is weirder than I thought it was gonna be.
I haven’t been through these.
I, like, I knew… I just stumbled across this blog, like, two weeks ago.
Draw Me Inside! What in the farquat?
Dude, I wrote a song —
Oh, my gosh!
So… and, and this is just the story of that all, the emails, how it happened.
That was my 20th birthday.
Guitarist of Skillet at the time, he’s not anymore.
Draw Me Inside, man.
I did that for my 20th birthday in 2009, so this was three years later I was… just because it was my first blog, and I was like, “Let me tell the story!”
I’m just going through 2012 in this video, so right now… it actually doesn’t look like it’s been super super long, cool.
I was hoping that this was not gonna be…
Oh, I’m getting to finding out about NaNo, hold on!
“When Did Romantics Become Weird? AKA Why Dating Sucks.”
“The Cinnamon Pecan Coffee Cake Guy!”
I, oh, “Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone,” “Zombie Photos,” falling… what was I doing? “Do You See This?”
That story, oh, my gosh…
“How Reality TV Made Me a Better Person.”
What was going on in 2012??
“When Did Romantics Become Weird?”
What am I talking about?
Okay, this is… okay, this was from “How I Met Your Mother.”
All right, I definitely was decoding some HIMYM episode, don’t know why.
Okay, it was before season nine, obviously.
But the cinnamon pecan coffee cake guy… I remember this guy.
This is just a story I was doing when I did college… when I “did” college.
Part of what my capstone, my graduating project was about, was about… it was comedy story.
I used to write humor before I wrote all this, like, “dark fantasy” kind of stuff, and I had all these stories about rude customers and, like, my thoughts that I wanted to say versus what I said, and those were fun to write.
So, this guy was a douche, that’s all I have to say about that.
“Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone,” what did I feel about that when I was 23 versus when I’m 31?
Oh, my gosh, being scared to start writing Jensen Carpenter in August.
Oh, my gosh, wow! October 13, 2012, “I used to blog way back in the day before blogs first became a thing. Back then, you didn’t share your work online.”
This is truth!
And then I was just saying the other day about how, “Oh, I used to do YouTube.”
These are the other videos that I’m gonna be reacting to throughout the rest of this month, but six years ago, when I was first sharing my National Novel Writing Month advice, and I was just saying the same thing.
Like, “I was doing this before I really felt like anyone else was,” and that’s weird that I was saying that in 2012.
“Now there’s laws,” oh, my gosh, that is so funny.
Oh, my lord, look at this!
“I stepped out of my comfort zone. I told myself, ‘who cares? If you put enough passion and love into your work — bolded — people will love it.’”
That’s what people still tell me now!
“Who cares?” this is exactly what I’m talking about, I’m trying to connect with this part of myself that was like, “Who cares? Just put your passion, life’s about taking risks as much as it is about making mistakes.”
I was touting this crap when I was 23.
This is before I’d even published this.
This was before this even actually existed as, like, this at all whatsoever.
This is before this, this is my New Zealand journal.
Okay, so, whoa.
“Erase the negativity, step out of your comfort zone, thicken your skin.”
I don’t know, goodness lord, what’s next 2012?
2012 was the last time, also, that the world was supposed to end, so I’m pretty sure that I had all of these thoughts in October of 2012 being like, “Oh, hey we’re all gonna die in December, anyway, so who cares if anyone reads my stuff?”
Here we are, 2020, thinking the same thing.
It’s very cyclical, what’s happening here, this is wild.
This is crazy.
This is going to be a crazy month.
I thought before I started any of this that I was going to cry by the end, and I already feel like it’s going to happen.
Oh, my gosh, okay, I want to look at some zombie photos, 10 reasons I love England, what is all of this?
Okay, more zombie, oh, my gosh, there were some good ones here.
This is the one that I wanted to be the cover image for… that’s what it says right here, “potential cover image for,” oh, okay, there we go, some zombie ass.
That was fun, those were fun days.
Oh, look, wow!
Look at these sunset photos!
I like that, that’s a nice photo.
I remember living there, too, I can tell you exactly where I was.
What’s that — “Do You See This?”
This is a… this is a funny story, I can’t get into that right now, but that’s a funny story.
More zombies… zombies! This one, this is my favorite one. That’s so cool! Oh, my gosh, I was so young.
Oh, “10 Reasons I Love England,” what are the —
Geordie Shore was why I was doing this?
Oh, my gosh, okay, what are my ten reasons?
They brought us Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Harry Potter, The Beatles, Adele, the drummer from Skillet — which, okay, back to Skillet because, hello.
Emma Watson, Kit Harrington from Game of Thrones, Keira Knightley, and Jim Sturgess.
“If I didn’t live in America, I’d move to England or New Zealand —“
Oh, my gosh, “I don’t —“
This is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life right here!
“I don’t have 10 reasons that I love New Zealand.”
Um, yes the [ __ ] you do, bitch.
Now I have an entire blog, actually, that’s dedicated to, like, my experiences in New Zealand and traveling around the world, so that’s hilarious.
Wow, revisiting your stuff.
The reason, again, that I, I did this was because I was trying to make the point of starting somewhere, because then it’s something that was said to me when I first started, as well.
But it’s just something that, like, they, they say — “they” say, the writers.
Now I guess I’m one of “them,” but they say that you will always come to a point that you’re gonna reflect and you’re gonna have this kind of reaction. And this is crazier than I thought it was going to be, to be honest, but this is nuts.
I’m about to just start Quietest Street Chapter One.
Oh, my gosh, just start writing if you haven’t!
So, what else did I have to say in 2012?
I love reality TV, it’s — it’s definitely true.
Geordie Shore, Jersey Shore, Mob Wives, I Love Money, Rock of Love, yeah, I like the skimpy ass reality TV.
“People getting crazy on TV? Awesome. People throwing beer bottles and punching each other in front of you in real life? Not as awesome.”
Oh, my gosh there was a… this was about a Halloween fight.
This was a real story that happened to me and about how being a reality TV — another zombie thing, that’s so funny — how, how reality TV made me a better person, that’s literally what that story is about.
I can’t believe I actually made a whole story about a situation in my life that happened in a real fight that I was like, “Because I watch reality TV, let me tell you how I’m a good person right now.”
Especially when that reality TV is Mob Wives and, like, Geordie Shore.
Oh, my god, all right.
This, so this is… this is, um, my first chapter from the first time I did NaNo in 2012.
I decided to post it.
I spilled coffee on my keyboard the first time??
So, okay, the first time I did NaNo, I spilled coffee on my keyboard.
The first time I’m doing this little project on YouTube, the first day that I write, I get my drone stuck on the ceiling.
So, I guess I’ve overcome some challenges before.
“I can barely afford my rent,” wow, that sounds familiar, COVID, “let alone buy a new keyboard or computer. Story of my life.”
Still is eight years later, honey. Some things just never change.
More about Jensen that, oh, my gosh, I was still publishing Jensen at this time, that’s so funny.
And I was doing the same thing I’m doing right now, why am I so nervous about it right now?
Which is the thing, Jensen was different, though, because I did handwrite it first and do some edits before I put it up, and this is all… this has just been different.
But, anyway, so that… this… this is just what the novel was, so, “It is said that the quietest streets bear the darkest secrets. When Detective Kolin Banks begins to receive mysterious letters bearing only numbers and hashtags after a string of murders in the neighborhood, he and his partner, Yvette Seifried, began a scramble to both decode the cryptic messages and stop the neighborhood killer.”
There was a lot that was, a lot. I actually used the, the Periodic Table to, like, code out messages and use them for the killer to do all that, so that’s crazy.
“No one is required to like my work. As long as I’m enjoying what I do, I’m good.”
Wow, this really is the Andrew that I am trying to get back by!
Who are you, sir?
5 grammatical errors that drive me bonkers, wow, what was that in 2012 before I knew anything?
6 reasons I hate driving, oh, God.
This is a, this is a music review.
Very inspiring blogger award, well I got an award, okay, thanks.
3 reasons to go to EDC, NaNo Thoughts, here we go.
What’s that — I got lost in nano, I promise I haven’t disappeared.
Done and done, the first time I finished, okay, so this video is almost done done and done, as well.
But what were the five grammatical errors that drove me bonkers in 2012?
“I’m obviously no expert,” oh, my gosh.
Abbreviations, oh, that does really annoy me, when people do this.
Just, okay, sorry, what’s next?
Putting spaces between punctuation, oh, my God!
This is before I knew my roommate and she’s gonna see this!
This was before I knew you, I promise I still love you…
But it does drive me crazy when you do this.
To, two, and too, oh, I was actually gonna make a video about this.
“Okay, folks, pay attention,” yeah, that bothers me.
“There’s,” okay, that’s another one, and the “yours.”
What are the six reasons I hate driving?
Stopping at crosswalks that don’t have stop signs, I don’t like that.
Pedestrians… I would change my mind on pedestrians, now.
Parallel driving, okay, yes, I hate that.
I hate that when they’re, like, right next to you, and you’re, like, driving neck and neck?
Yeah, I don’t like that at all.
Cutting you off just to slow down, oh, yeah, that’s annoying.
Green means go, mmhmm.
30 is not 15, amen that’s number one.
Amen that’s number one.
65 is also not 40 so, like, amen number one.
Okay, so, what are my NaNo thoughts?
“The end is near.”
See, and this is the thing, “‘This is so easy,’ I told myself, ‘I don’t know why everyone says this month is so hard and stressful.’ And then this wonderful thing called ‘writer’s block’ decided to hit me 33, 000 words in.”
So, okay, see those of you who are doing NaNo for the first time.
Stressful because here I am, this is, like, this is the ninth now, or the eighth or the ninth or whatever, and I’m over here like, “Oh, whatever, 50,000, it’s fine, it’s not a big deal,” but it’s because I went through this first.
And then I had to go through the same thing.
“’I’m having difficulty powering through, I’m eagerly anticipating the end so I can take a big breath of relief… I have not written 35,465 words of crap.”
So, look, it happens.
Done and done.
I was done, there it is, there’s my stats chart. It won’t open up any higher than that, let me zoom in, there it is.
That’s how I did first time I did it.
It’s all still available on NaNo, too, if you want to see it, but I think that that’s pretty much all I want to do from 2012.
I know that there’s, like, a little bit more, but we’re moving into…
These are cool pics.
Oh, I like this one.
Oh, what is an artist?
Why have I done that…?
Daily post ideas, oh, that’s why there’s so much.
Oh, okay, well those are whatever, but I think that this is…
This is another one of those stories that I was, like…
Why your retailer hates you, tis a season to be a douchebag.
Someone was being rude, I was working at Borders, so that was where all that came from.
Oh, I was having a quesadilla, sounds good.
What are the five reasons your retailer probably hates you?
I have people from Borders who follow me on this channel, so if they’ve seen this far in the video, because it is getting long, but…
This is not a free therapy session, amen.
Don’t abuse coupons, amen.
Don’t treat them like they’re beneath you, amen.
Don’t take your anger out on them, don’t blame them for things they can’t control.
That all sounds great.
I love that.
Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my gosh!
Yeah, okay, this…
I think we’re gonna move…
Actually, okay, two more before — I’m so sorry, oh, my gosh, three more, “Melted Stories.”
In my sensory detail video, I did another thing about candles. I obviously love watching candles melt away.
That’s all I wanted to say about that.
But this, I wanted to do just because this was the first time that I got…
This is my unboxing of the first draft of this, of the first draft of this.
Because after I did NaNo, I found CreateSpace, and this was the first draft of this that I ever had.
I was looking for that today, but I couldn’t find it.
It’s in a box somewhere, I was gonna have it out, maybe it’ll be out by the end of the month.
But yeah, I… I chronicled that.
So that’s, I remember that day.
I literally remember that day, that’s so crazy.
What else is on here?
Just this last one, the top five reasons 2012 changed me.
I just wanted to see that, and then everything else.
This “Sucker Punch” thing is just that college thing, my college portfolio stories, but then everything else I’m waiting until the next post.
But this what—
That was my friend that died that year.
Anyway, moving on from that.
EDC, okay, EDC 2012 was the first year I went.
Leaving Chili’s, oh, my gosh leaving Chili’s.
I remember leaving Chili’s.
Oh, my gosh, that’s hilarious.
Nano, there it is.
First time I did it, winner, hooray.
And that unboxing that I just did, okay, well that was, I mean for me, at least, that was very interesting.
I don’t know, some people are interested in my story, some are not, but I don’t care because, “as long as I like what I’m doing, I’m good.”
Because that’s what 23-year-old-Andrew said in 2012, and he had some things that were cool.
His grammatical botherings haven’t changed.
I remember all of that.
That was fun, that was a fun thing to do.
I’m kind of looking forward to doing that for the rest of this month, so I hope you enjoyed something out of this.
And if you didn’t, sorry, I’m gonna keep doing it all month.
So, see you on Thursday, when I do a video.
So that’s gonna be a fun thing to watch, when I —(nervous sigh)